Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Once Upon a Time...

Psalm 51:3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.

Once upon a time I was in the yard of my Father’s house. It was a beautiful day, and I was just happy playing and enjoying myself. Outside the gate I spotted the cutest little stray puppy. He sat at the gate, and I could see him between the wooden slats. He had big eyes and just whimpered a bit. He was cute as a button, and when I didn’t come over, he barked to get my attention.

I walked over and reached my hand through the fence, and he nuzzled against it and licked me with little puppy kisses. Oh, he was adorable. Now I knew I wasn’t supposed to leave the yard, but when I tried to get the puppy to come close enough to draw him in through the slats, he would scamper off just out of my reach. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to just open the gate and gather him into my arms, so I went out to get him. Instead of coming to me, he got playful and began to run off, here and there. I took a few steps forward, but he wouldn’t come to me.

By now my heart was set on making this puppy my own, so I ran off after him into the woods. It wasn’t long before I found myself in the thickness, but we came across a grassy open patch, and he sat down. Finally, I caught up to him and we began to play. It was so much fun… until I realized it was getting dark and I should be getting back to my Father’s house.

I got up to leave, but the puppy wouldn’t budge. When I went to gather him up in my arms, he nipped me. I tried again, but he nipped me harder. He looked so cute, though, and so I played a little more, although I knew better. Again, my conscious prodded me, so I got up to leave. As I turned around to try once more to take my sweet little playmate home with me, I realized he seemed to have grown a bit. In a flash, he bared his teeth at me, jumped in front of my path home, and wouldn’t let me go. I was afraid, but had no one to blame but myself. Why didn’t I listen and stay inside the gate, where I was safe?

It’s been awhile now, and I’m still in the woods. Oh the puppy will play with me and periodically will cuddle against me, but whenever I try to leave, he grows into a big ugly animal and bites me. Sometimes I bleed. I have a lot of scars from the wounds. I can’t explain why, but I’ve grown to love him even though he hurts me.

I long to go home. Some days I can almost see through the woods to my Father’ house. I’ve tried to get back, but I feel trapped. And I feel so ashamed that I got myself into this situation in the first place. I want to call out to my Father to come and rescue me, but the words choke in my throat. I miss my Father. I want to get home, but I’m not sure how. All the plans we made, I feel like they’re ruined now, and each day my life slips away.

I wish I had known the name of the puppy was Sin.