Crushed and Brokenhearted - A Place of Birth?

Photography by Linda Bush © Copyright 2013

This morning in my quiet time I was led to read Psalm 34:18 – The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  In the King James Version it reads "The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit."  

Nigh means near – of place, time, personal relationship.  Broken is shabar, a primitive root meaning to burst, but also to cause to break out, bring to the birth.  Saveth is yasha, be saved/delivered, liberated, give victory to.  I’m  no scholar but looked them up as best I could.  However, this is what I wrote next:

“In place/time/personal relationship – God is around me, surrounds me, unlimited/limitless.  He is not bound and wraps me up in that unbridled, boundless relationship with Him.  No beginning, no end – He is there with me always – I am never alone even when I feel I am in the blackest pit of despair and isolation/lonliness.  Is my broken heart about to give birth now to something unimaginably better and new?  Did He have to allow it to be broken in order to make it limitless and unbounded to bring forth, birth, something so amazing I can’t even begin to wrap my finite/bound mind around it?  He saves me, liberates me.  Isaiah 58:15 says “to revive the spirit… heart”.  Revive is chayah - primitive root to live, make alive, sustain, to cause to grow, quicken, nourish, be whole.  Has my heart been broken in order to be made whole by the Lord and for Him?  To grow it, make it even more alive than ever before?  This gives me hope, excites me, makes me look to the future expectantly, quickens my very being to see what God has planned for my heart’s purpose, for my life.  What beautiful and miraculous plans does He have in store for me?”

Perhaps for someone out there today, reading this will minister to you and be a balm that soothes your weary soul.  We know not what the future holds, but we know Him Who holds our future.

By the way, there is an interesting little story to this picture.  As I was walking one day, I looked down onto the concrete at the leaves that had fallen.  Here was this one leaf, battered and obviously run over and crushed by a car, just ground into the rough stones of the parking lot.  And yet, it was in this beautiful shape of a heart – even though it had gone through “leaf hell”, it stood its ground and remained true to its form, with a new beauty, completely transformed.  Had it been like all the other leaves I would not have noticed it, but now it is forever used in a manner honoring God.  Will He not do so much more with us?

My dear friend Marjory commented that "the picture looks like gold leaf - so precious that it can only be applied sparingly, looking almost like delicate and precious filigree.  God is the refiner, and if we let Him, He will blow away the dross and make our hearts pure and golden."  

Refine us, crush us and do whatever is needed, dearest God our Father/Abba, that we may be refined and used for a greater glory that we cannot see through eyes filled with self-directed tears.  Just hold us close as You promise here in Your everlasting arms... whisper Your love into our sobbing hearts so we will be quieted in You.  May our hopes and dreams and future be always entrusted to Your plan for us.

The Secret Treasures Within Depression

Isaiah 45:3 And I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, Who calls you by your name.


Clinical depression is a place of great darkness and secrecy. It is a place that you wrap around you like a warm, safe (albeit it dysfunctional) blanket…until you discover you have become engulfed in what has become a prison, a suffocating cocoon from which you think you will never escape. It paralyzes as it squeezes the breath from your lungs and the life from your blood. The more you struggle, the greater the restriction, until you are numb from the heart out, exhausted, and ready to give up altogether. You forget how to think, how to hope, even how to pray.

Yet, even in these obsidian shadows of the abyss, God is still God. While you feel your soul has lost consciousness and perhaps even died, God is there, for He will not abandon you. You may not feel Him, but no matter, the truth is… He is with you. Once the silent screaming of your broken heart subsides, as you lie there quietly, listen past the lies of your feelings to the truth of His very presence.

It is only then that you become ready to receive the treasures of darkness, the hidden riches of this secret place to which He has allowed you to journey. It is there He calls you by name, and wipes away your tears, with the most gentle of caresses. No, He may not ever explain His reasons or ways. But He is with you, loving you, teaching you, restoring and renewing you into His design.

Listen…

Broken Heart... Broken Dreams

Proverbs 3:5: Trust in the LORD with all your heart. And do not lean on your own understanding.

Into every woman’s life comes a broken heart at some point on the path. For some the path is littered by the rubble, and for others it is blessedly infrequent. Caused by many factors, it can be a long-expected tragedy, or it can suddenly appear out of nowhere, no announcement, no preparation… one moment you’re fine and the next you can’t even breath. All you can do is cry and cry and cry… and then cry some more, gasping for air and reeling from the agonizing pain. Or sometimes it just leaves you numb, dead stone cold numb…

Hopes and dreams lie shattered around your feet like blood-soaked bomb shrapnel, and as you drop to your knees you cry out to God. Maybe you can’t even speak. Maybe all that escapes is a groan that only the Holy Spirit can decipher. Maybe it’s nothing more than the choked whisper of the name of Jesus. Prayers you thought were answered are tossed away in confusion, and plans you thought were from the sanctioned center of God’s will have now turned to ashes.

There is no way out. You must go through it. There is no immediate relief, no easy answers, no escape, except perhaps to sleep, and even then the dreams haunt you and taunt you until there is no sanctuary… just pain and sorrow. And you just don’t think you can go through this one more time…

It is in this darkest hour, when there is nothing left of you, that you must remember that God is still God, no matter what. Our understanding is limited, but God is limitless. Through the tears we must seek His face and believe He loves us, and that His heart is breaking as well. We must look past ourselves into His sovereignty, His majesty, and His Lordship, and know that He is God. And know that He is in control. And know someday He will turn these ashes into beauty.

We are not called to an easy walk when we follow Christ. It won’t always make sense, and it may require us to walk through the valley of the shadow of death – including death to self and all our hopes and dreams and desires – put on the altar, sacrificed. We may never know on this side of Heaven the answer to the WHY that we cry out to him over and over. But we must try and find our rest, our peace, the mending and filling of our crushed heart, in Christ alone, our only hope. He loves us with a love that will never abandon us, never leave us… hold fast to this truth. Hold on, even if it’s one minute at a time… hold onto Jesus.


A segment of an old poem called “After Awhile” by Veronica A. Shoffstall:

…And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn, with every good-bye you learn.