On Walking the Path of Gracious Uncertainty

Grounds for Sculpture pathway - photo by Linda Bush

I have a penchant for worry and anxiety and a desire for control.  I do not like to not know what is happening next, nor am I one who easily “wings it.”  I like plan and purpose and certainty.  How often I have told people, “I am a black and white gal.  Tell me the black, tell me the white, and I can deal with it.  Put me in the gray area of uncertainty, of not knowing, and I go crazy.”  It is probably one, if the THE, most difficult areas of my faith and my spiritual walk with God.  I want to know what is going on, what will happen… I just HATE HATE HATE not knowing.  The down side/curse of being one who has a very active imagination and healthy sense of creativity is being able to think of the millions of things that COULD happen… and usually they are all negative.  I project what may take place if this or that occurs or doesn’t transpire.  My mind can materialize vast scenarios for any unknown.  It takes me to weird and wild places from the logical to the completely outlandish… to places I should not let me go. 

I confess that, like termites, these times eat away at the foundation of my faith in God to know what is best for me.  Like a bratty child whining from the back seat “Are we there yet?” I shamefully bellyache my prayers and drone on and on. Trust is not a natural gift/talent for me… sitting with a quiet and gentle spirit while God is doing what He deems best in my life for His glory, for my obedience and growth and honing into the holy woman of God He sees in me (something I am blind to most of the time), comes with great difficulty.  It is hard labor for me to sit on my hands and not meddle and maneuver and manipulate my way into just that – MY way.  Instead of my heart singing the hymn, “Have THINE own way, Lord” I sing Frank Sinatra’s signature anthem at the top of my lungs… in spite of the knowledge that when I have chosen to walk that slippery slope of disobedience, I always fall down and hurt myself and God and others.

After reading the beautiful and poignant (and timely) devotion in today’s “My Utmost for His Highest” by Oswald Chambers, I am again reminded how my patient and loving Father knows best.  I must learn to embrace His gracious uncertainty.  I may present my requests to His listening heart, of course, but I must learn (and be content and satisfied and rejoice in the fact) that His ways are not my ways, and that there will be times when what I want to happen now may not be part of the present and future in His grand scheme.

Oh God, forgive me for always wanting my own way and wanting to know it all right now.  Give me courage, grace and strength to look to You only, to trust You only and welcome the uncertainty of my future that I might, step by step and moment by moment, grow in faith as I walk along the path You have designed for me in love before the world began.

http://utmost.org/

Gracious Uncertainty

. . . it has not yet been revealed what we shall be . . . —1 John 3:2

Our natural inclination is to be so precise—trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next—that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, “Well, what if I were in that circumstance?” We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.

Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life—gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God—it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, “. . . unless you . . . become as little children . . .” (Matthew 18:3). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “. . . believe also in Me” (John 14:1), not, “Believe certain things about Me”. Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.

Feeling sheepish?

John 10:27 10:27 My sheep listen to my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.

Sometimes the days just plod along, one after the other, flowing into mindless, mundane madness. Nothing fantastic, nothing horrific… just basically nothing. It’s easy to begin to wonder what in the world God has put you on earth for – to yawn??? Like sheep on a hillside, we just go along, following the rest of the herd, doing the “dailies”, practically numb to the routine.

Well, take a look at this video. When I saw it, it made me think of the amazing possibilities life can have in store for us when we just listen intently to the Great Shepherd and follow His leading. Imagine how long this took, and then think of the fact that the sheep had no idea of the big picture, they were just all about following their Master’s voice. It’s a wonderful visual reminder of how God may be moving us into places we don’t currently understand, and we may not even agree with right now, but He knows why He’s putting you in THAT exact spot at THIS specific moment in time. He is moving you into places where you will be used for His bigger picture, part of His magnificent overall plan.

Listen to His voice today, and light up your world for His glory!

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE VIDEO

My 30 Day Faith Dare - Day 1

Based on the book "The Faith Dare" by Debbie Alsdorf

I decided to do the faith dare because I needed a kick start in my faith. The question on the back cover of the book reads “What would happen if you lived out your faith every day, in every situation?” I want a wild faith, a faith that Debbie Alsdorf, the author, says is “walked out with intention, conviction, and humble surrender.” I want to be authentic, warts, blunders, and all. I’m tired of a manicured, perfect hair and makeup soft-spoken white-washed Christianity. I want an earthy, real faith that impacts every hour and shakes me to the core so that my Jesus becomes as real as every breath I take. It's all come to this -- the ultimate goal -- that I will hear "Well done, good and faithful servant" when He calls me home.

Why here in so public a forum? To be transparent and vulnerable, and to be accountable, so I will stick to this and follow-through all 30 days. So here I go…

What is faith to me? Giving Jesus Christ control of my life and believing His Word even when I can’t understand it or see/feel Him. Putting everything I am, everything I have, and all my meaning for living in His hands and looking to Him for my validation, my direction, and my meaning.

There is a question in this chapter that reads: (pg 28) “How can a woman learn to live in God’s love when her natural bent is to protect herself from further rejection?” That struck a chord with me. I need God to heal my expectations and fill my spirit – I can only look to Him for that, not to anyone else on earth, as much as I love my family and friends.

DAY ONE – The Miracle of a New Heart – Dare to Ask God for a New Heart.

Proverbs 27:19 “As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man.”

Psalm 86 talks of asking God for an undivided heart, and Ezekiel 36:26-28 speak of God’s promise to give me a new heart and put a new spirit in me, of removing my heart of stone and giving me a heart of flesh (Message – a heart that’s God-willed, not self-willed”).

Today my verse will be Psalm 86:11 – “Give me an undivided heart…”

Today’s truth – I am so fragmented. My heart/life is like a BodyWorks display I saw at the Franklin Institute this summer, where one body was ‘exploded’ into hundreds of pieces, each hanging precariously in space. My heart does belong to Christ, but it’s just all over the place. I have so many commitments, so many interests and passions, that I wind up doing many things “half-heartedly”, including my walk with God. I see myself as a “heart hoarder” – cluttered and piled up and unable to move for all the excess.

God is asking me to – become focused – allow Him to clean up my messy heart and give Him 100%. He wants to reorder and restore and renew this old, tired, shattered thing called my heart. He wants to remove the adhesions, scars, cobwebs and junk, and make it shiny and new, centered around Him.

My challenge is to – obey and release control. What does He want me to love best, to give my focus and attention to each day? First and foremost, I must give Him the time, attention, focus and priority – and then take my marching orders from there.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (Living Bible) Trust in the Lord completely; don’t ever trust yourself. In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct your and crown your efforts with success.

James 1:5 (Living Bible) If you want to know what God wants you to do, ask Him and He will gladly tell you, for He is always ready to give bountiful supply of wisdom to all who ask Him.

Leave Me Not to My Own Fruit

Proverbs 1:29-31: Since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the Lord, since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes.

Lately I’ve been thinking about my life, and reflecting back on my earlier years in my twenties and thirties. It’s painful… because those are years I walked away from the Lord and chose to live exactly as I pleased by my own wisdom, rules and standards. I wasn’t about to be “fenced in”. I wince and shake my head as I look back on those days, and try not to dwell on the “what might have been” life had I remained obedience to the Lord and followed in His paths for me.

I also must realize that the past is just that – the past. There is nothing I can do to change one minute of what has been. However, what I can dwell on now is that I am forgiven, and I have a fresh day today in which to change my course and choose His wisdom and ways for me. I can glance back and learn the lessons there, but not allow remorse for my wasted youth to paralyze who I am today in Christ.

When you are choosing to live outside God’s will for your life, the punishment isn’t some lightning bolt from Heaven, or God’s vengeance pouring out on you in a Job-like scenario. I think the worst punishment we receive is that the Lord allows us to eat the fruit of our own ways and be filled with the fruit of our own schemes. I have paid a dreadfully high price for turning my back on Him, but it was at my own hand, not His. He hurt and wept watching my back as I ran away from Him as fast as I could. And yet, like the father in Luke 15:11-31, when I came back broken and worth less than nothing, He ran to me, kissed and hugged me, wept with me, cleansed me, and made me feel priceless and worthy again – a beloved daughter.

Even after that, I am still tempted (and sometimes succumb) to following my own strong-willed heart and “wisdom” (can you spell D-U-H?!?!). Lord, give me strength to follow You, give me remembrance of how my life was without Your loving arms around me, fencing out the pain and hardship of what my choices outside your will reap. Today help me to remember the sweetness of living in Your will, the joy of obedience to You, and the indescribable peace only being wrapped in Your love and path can provide.