My Thirty Day Faith Dare - Day Four

Dedicated to Living as His – Dare to Live Like You Belong to God

Acts 17:28 “For in Him we live and move and have our being.” As some of your own poets have said, “We are His offspring.”

Today’s Truth – 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

Colossians 1:27 “Christ in you, the hope of glory.”

Today’s Dare – Live like you belong to God

Today’s truth is speaking to me…
Do I live on purpose? Do I live in the truth of who I am in Christ? I can’t say I get up each morning thinking, “Okay I belong to the Lord, now how will I plan my day around that and make it the foundation of everything else?” Yet this single truth defines everything about me, has changed my life, and makes all the difference in the world in who I am and how I live. I’ve misplaced that truth under the piles of daily living, and I need to dig it out, polish it up, and put it center stage. Maybe I should place one of those “Hi, my name is” name tags on my bathroom mirror and every morning have it greet me with “Hi, my name is Linda, and I belong to God!” There’s some brain floss to get your day going!

God is asking me to…
Live intentionally, mindfully, and fully in/for Him. That truth must color every moment, and be the most influential factor in any/every decision. But how do I put feet to that?

My challenge is to…
Live on purpose for Him. But what does that mean in reality? Well for one thing, taking that with 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 means I need to make some changes in how I treat my body. I am blessed to be involved in some wonderful coaching with Janet Daughtry and tonight we were chatting about values, and she asked me about my own values. Something important to me is living authentically/intentionally with integrity. She asked me what integrity looked like to me, and in our discussion I discovered that I needed to listen to my own voice and live with more integrity for myself – by taking care of myself as I encourage other women to do for themselves. I’ve been so wrapped up in so many different things that I have been slamming into the wall constantly. You know when you’re so tired that you feel like you’ve hit the wall? Well, that’s the point to which I’ve been pushing, pushing myself day after day after day. I need to take time for me, to recoup, restore and renew, and I’ve not been allowing myself to do that – thereby draining all my energy and running myself into the ground. I must take care of this body better because it does belong to Him, I belong to Him, and that’s really important! As a personal trainer, I should know better!!!

So, to that end, I will get to bed on time and not survive on five hours of sleep a night, and I will plan my meals better, and spend time with Him in quiet time together. Specifically, I commit to make time to walk with Him in the park this weekend. I will make a “date” to go to the park with my Father and enjoy His company, as I restore the body/soul. I will honor God with my body in this way.

My 30 Day Faith Dare - Day Three

Living Loved – Dare to Live Differently by Living Like You Are Loved

Jeremiah 31:3-4 “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with lovingkindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt.”

Today’s Truth – How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!

Today’s Dare – Make a list of the “other” things you have been called – give them to God one by one, then take a black marker and blot those labels off your list!

Today’s truth is speaking to me…

Oh no you didn’t… you did not hit me on Day Three with a gut-wrenching, heart bomb like this!

The author admits she had “… a chronic belief that I would never be enough…the not-enough girl.” We are told we need to “pour God’s love into our learning center – our mind – so it can make its way into our hearts. It is not natural to live feeling loved by God… we learn to live loved by taking His Word of truth by faith.” We are told that God has lavished His love on us. I have always been drawn to that word – LAVISH… it sounds so rich and smooth and bountiful.

God is asking me to…
Face things I don’t want to face! The author writes: “When we live as one who is loved… life is no longer a set of unfortunate circumstances but instead a journey with the Father.” Okay, that's all well and good, but what if you don’t know what it’s like to have a father? How do I wrap my brain and faith around that one? Where is my frame of reference? All day this whole “live like you are loved” has poked and prodded at my soul, pouring salt and vinegar into the wounds of ancient places I’ve worked years to push down.

My challenge is to…
Write those other things I’ve been called (or called myself)? I can’t even look at them. I know what it means to live as the “not enough girl”. I wince with the memories of what the old country song says…”lookin’ for love in ALL the WRONG places…” Again, I’m faced with the dare of digging up things I don’t want to remember, to see, and most importantly feel.

So here I am with black ink on a page, formed into a word I have said, have read, and often wondered if I ever really knew what it felt like or meant, and surely not from a father. God, I can tell You I’ve read the Love Letters, verse after verse, where You tell me You love me, and I intellectually believe it, really, I do. I know I shouldn’t depend on feelings, but oh, how I wish I could literally feel Your arms around me in a big old daddy bear hug, so I could begin to understand what Your love tangibly feels like… forgive me, I know Christ gave everything to love me, and I don’t mean to ask for more. I just want to know what it feels like to climb into Your lap and cuddle up.

I acknowledge, Father, that I need repair. I admit only You can fix me. I will utter Your name as Abba, Father, and invite Your Holy Spirit to pour Your love into my brain, to teach me what it means to be loved, to be lovable, to be the “enough girl”, for You. As You wrote in Jeremiah, I will believe Your promise that You will rebuild me. Lavish away, Abba, lavish away… I choose to believe You.

And as I write this, the web station I’m listening to just began playing “Savior Like a Shepherd Lead Us” – one of my favorite hymns as a little girl in Sunday School… and it brings back memories of feeling happy and safe and loved and belonging… and I begin to weep with this immediate gift of affirmation and love from my Abba…

My 30 Day Faith Dare - Day Two

Follow the Leader – Dare to Pay Attention to God’s Lead

John 8:12 – Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.

Today’s Truth: Coming to God fresh each morning, and following Him is “a daily call of surrender”.

Today’s Dare: Pay Attention to God’s Lead

Today was a wicked crazy day from the moment I opened my eyes. When I read this chapter the first thing that hit me was the sentence: “But no matter what is in front of us, there is a deeper purpose to the day: to follow after Christ and pay attention to how He wants us to live in the mundane moments of real life.” It brought to mind Mother Teresa’s quote: “Do small things with great love.”

How could I go about paying attention to God’s lead running full throttle on today's hamster wheel? One little thing – I tried to keep my sense of humor and not let the day steal my joy. I tried to be more appreciative to those around me, and to do the best job I could all day, ignoring the mundane nature of many of my tasks. I made the time to call a friend. As I’m writing this I realize none of these things will win me the Nobel Prize for loving, but its baby steps toward paying attention to God’s leads – those little moments that nudge our hearts, but if we ignore them, they’ll pass us by in an instant, never to return. I mean, I didn't mutter "What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do?" wearing a plastered happy face while I scurried down the hallway, I just made an effort to pay attention to Him instead of my circumstances.

God is asking me to… Another passage of the book read: “It’s easy to do the things that come naturally to us. But it’s not so easy to lay down our will and follow God into the areas that are difficult or unnatural to our reasoning, feelings or habitual ways of living.” Here I felt God was calling me to two separate invitations involving what I believe He has gifted me to do, but it felt difficult because it involved my time/calendar, which is already overloaded. So what is He calling me to give up in order to make time for these new responsibilities? That I’m not sure about yet… I’m a bit apprehensive… which I guess doesn’t sound too holy, does it? But it’s true; I’m wondering what He has around the corner for me that I can’t yet see.

I have to think of it like dancing, where I must trust my partner to show me the signals to follow his steps, to allow him to lead me when I can’t see the whole floor, and to believe he will watch out for me. It is a small act of submission with each step, but if I try to take the lead, the dance is clumsy.

My prayer – Lord of the dance, Lord of the hamster wheel, Lord of my life –today's efforts seem like such meager crumbs of obedience to You, nothing major or meaningful. No bells or whistles for the Kingdom. Just a few clumsy and mundane moments... but they were Yours to have. I hope I made You smile.

My 30 Day Faith Dare - Day 1

Based on the book "The Faith Dare" by Debbie Alsdorf

I decided to do the faith dare because I needed a kick start in my faith. The question on the back cover of the book reads “What would happen if you lived out your faith every day, in every situation?” I want a wild faith, a faith that Debbie Alsdorf, the author, says is “walked out with intention, conviction, and humble surrender.” I want to be authentic, warts, blunders, and all. I’m tired of a manicured, perfect hair and makeup soft-spoken white-washed Christianity. I want an earthy, real faith that impacts every hour and shakes me to the core so that my Jesus becomes as real as every breath I take. It's all come to this -- the ultimate goal -- that I will hear "Well done, good and faithful servant" when He calls me home.

Why here in so public a forum? To be transparent and vulnerable, and to be accountable, so I will stick to this and follow-through all 30 days. So here I go…

What is faith to me? Giving Jesus Christ control of my life and believing His Word even when I can’t understand it or see/feel Him. Putting everything I am, everything I have, and all my meaning for living in His hands and looking to Him for my validation, my direction, and my meaning.

There is a question in this chapter that reads: (pg 28) “How can a woman learn to live in God’s love when her natural bent is to protect herself from further rejection?” That struck a chord with me. I need God to heal my expectations and fill my spirit – I can only look to Him for that, not to anyone else on earth, as much as I love my family and friends.

DAY ONE – The Miracle of a New Heart – Dare to Ask God for a New Heart.

Proverbs 27:19 “As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man.”

Psalm 86 talks of asking God for an undivided heart, and Ezekiel 36:26-28 speak of God’s promise to give me a new heart and put a new spirit in me, of removing my heart of stone and giving me a heart of flesh (Message – a heart that’s God-willed, not self-willed”).

Today my verse will be Psalm 86:11 – “Give me an undivided heart…”

Today’s truth – I am so fragmented. My heart/life is like a BodyWorks display I saw at the Franklin Institute this summer, where one body was ‘exploded’ into hundreds of pieces, each hanging precariously in space. My heart does belong to Christ, but it’s just all over the place. I have so many commitments, so many interests and passions, that I wind up doing many things “half-heartedly”, including my walk with God. I see myself as a “heart hoarder” – cluttered and piled up and unable to move for all the excess.

God is asking me to – become focused – allow Him to clean up my messy heart and give Him 100%. He wants to reorder and restore and renew this old, tired, shattered thing called my heart. He wants to remove the adhesions, scars, cobwebs and junk, and make it shiny and new, centered around Him.

My challenge is to – obey and release control. What does He want me to love best, to give my focus and attention to each day? First and foremost, I must give Him the time, attention, focus and priority – and then take my marching orders from there.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (Living Bible) Trust in the Lord completely; don’t ever trust yourself. In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct your and crown your efforts with success.

James 1:5 (Living Bible) If you want to know what God wants you to do, ask Him and He will gladly tell you, for He is always ready to give bountiful supply of wisdom to all who ask Him.

A Visit to Town

Isaiah 40:8 “The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever”

This past weekend a friend and I visited a quaint little town in which I used to live about 20 years ago. There is a big red mill complete with water wheel, a beautiful old bridge (reminiscent of the bridge in the classic movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”), and a breathtaking waterfall. Main Street always had interesting shops to explore, and there were restaurants, a museum, park benches… just a real old-fashioned town.

I was so looking forward to a juicy, lingering visit at the old little bookstore on Main Street. The years my (then) elementary school aged daughter and I lived there we spent countless hours pouring over the wide array of books there, from children's to mysteries to historical to spiritual and self-help, tons of magazines -- everything under the sun. It was wonderful - so much variety in such a small store. It was just a little brick-front "shoppe", but it was filled with magic and wonder. As I neared this bit of sanctuary with growing anticipation, I realized (like a cold slap in the face) that it has been replaced by a modern, stainless-steel decorated electronics store - UGH!

To add insult to injury, I went up to our other old "haunt", the delicious and decadent town bakery, an original old-fashioned bakery with a counter a mile long just jam-packed with everything you could ever want! Crullers, bear claws, warm rolls, every chocolate-drenched cream-filled irresistible delight imaginable. Early mornings the heady scent of baking bread would dance through the town, over the river and into our open windows. I was fully prepared to toss all personal trainer discipline aside and have something sinfully WONderful. My heart leapt with joy as I saw the old sign still hanging... and then I entered. UGH2!

The entire front end of the bakery was now a Starbucks wanna-be lounge area with chairs and couches – albeit quite lovely, I must admit. There was a small counter about 1/4th of the original, and some upscale loaves of bread behind the counter, and a selection of coffee or tea in big black plastic containers. The now barely-there glass counter housed some muffins, a few delicacies, but nothing that called out my name and beckoned me onward. Okay, if it was the first time I was there I would say it was quaint and lovely. But again, another blow to the heart and memories of being there with my daughter, our noses both pressed up against the glass, laughing and trying to figure out what we would purchase to take home and linger over with our respective coffee and cocoa on a crisp fall Saturday morning.

Sigh… the world seems to spin colder and harder each day, and so many of the beloved, comforting places spin right off the planet as the pace gets madder and more furious. It can be overwhelming and quite depressing. I am so thankful that God never changes, and that when I seek Him out, He is always there, never “updated” or “revamped” or moved due to dwindling sales or the advent of some modern fad or technology. My weary and disappointed heart can always, always find its resting place in Him.

Hope

You are my hope, O Lord God; You are my trust from my youth. Psalm 71:5

In the devotional "Today's Daily Bread" was this Bible verse and the following poem:

Our strength and hope is in the Lord -
We rest secure in His sure Word;
And though we're tempted to despair
We know we're kept within His care

These are days when my heart is heavy and has dropped itself just under a giant, cold boulder in the pit of my stomach. A certain situation in my life has left me with no control, no answers, and the temptation to fall apart and let discouragement, despair and depression take control.

But today I will choose God. I will choose to trust in Him and believe He has control of it all. I will not try to manipulate anything or figure it all out, but instead will leave it in His loving and wise hands. I will choose to wait in silent obedience. I will choose to hope in Him. It is only in the darkest night sky that we can most clearly see the brillance of a shooting star.

I will find my comfort, my peace, my all and all in Christ and in His Word. I will wrap my favorite Psalm 23 around me like a comforting warm blanket and rest in Him... not because I am godly or wise or holy, but because I am utterly NOT... because I am weak and helpless, and therein lies my only wisdom - to know that in Him only is everything I need, all my answers, all my peace.

I will lift up the broken pieces of my heart as a sacrifice of praise to my Almighty God.

Psalm 23
1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

To Let Go

To Let Go Takes Love
by Dr. Margaret J. Rinck

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring. It means I can't do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off. It's the realization that I can't control another.

To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another. It's to make the most of myself.

To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.

To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To "let go" is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To "let go" is not to be protective; it's to permit another to face reality.

To "let go" is not deny, but to accept.

To "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To "let go" is to fear less and to love more

Stink Bug Theology

Matthew 6:34: "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. (The Message)

In this neck of the woods we have a common visitor known as the stink bug. These are nasty little creatures about the size of your fingernail, brownish, and the shape of a shield. These particularly ugly critters are loud when they buzz around – we’re talking helicopter dive-bombing you loud! And if you should catch one and smoosh it, they emit an enormously foul stench – hence, the name “stink” bug. While I’m no theologian or scholar, I am sure these creepy crawlers showed up on the scene three seconds after Eve bit that apple – a direct creation/result of the Fall (right up there with war, pestilence, wrinkles and cellulite)!

So the other day I was getting ready for work, puttering around in my semi-comatose early morning state, not yet having had my three cups of tea to get me going. I grabbed my blow dryer, went to plug it in and… what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a creepy crawly disgusting stink bug parked directly over the outlet. He was totally blocking the path of my dryer plug. This bad boy was huge - the size of Milwaukee! And let me tell you, nothing wakes you up as quickly as stumbling upon the stealth attack of a stink bug on your outlet first thing in the morning! I ran screaming for the nearest tissue, plucked said evil visitor from my outlet, and sent him onto glory with a dramatic FLUSH! (My apologies to all animal rights friends out there). Needless to say, I still get the “willies” when I think of the incident.

I did a bit of research and found that stink bugs don’t generally bite, but they can cause damage to leaves, flowers, fruit and crops. They are attracted to light/warmth, will work their way into a home (under siding, into soffits, under roof shingles, etc.), and you can wind up with an infestation problem.

How does this relate to anything? Well, I got to thinking… stink bugs are a lot like those commonplace little problems and worries we have so often in life. They silently work their way into our thoughts throughout the day and night, destroying our peace. Have you ever had worries come flooding into your mind when you’re trying to pray? Ever have angst keep you up at night? Just like that stink bug on my outlet, worries can block us from connecting to our Power Source. We get so focused on them (and unfocused on God) that pretty soon those anxieties have eaten away at us, and we’re left with a ruined, fruitless day. Like an infestation, worry piles upon worry, anxiety upon anxiety and as Joyce Meyer calls it, we’re left with “stinkin’ thinking”! Now while I don’t recommend that you run screaming for your nearest tissue, I would suggest running to your Bible, and finding comfort and peace in the verses of His Word. Take all those foul troubles in prayer to the Lord – leave them all with Him.

Yeah, the junk of daily life often stinks.. but you don’t have to deal with it alone. Just hold your nose with one hand, grab those troubles with the other, and leave them with God – let Him be your “Spiritual Exterminator”!

Stability

Isaiah 33:6 “He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure.”

Today I was watching a segment of Life Today featuring a teaching by Beth Moore discussing a renewed mind. I highly recommend it!

She mentioned the verse in Isaiah above, and said one translation worded the beginning of the verse as “He’s [the Lord] my constant source of stability.” I looked up the word stability online and in my Hebrew-Greek Key Word Study Bible and Word Study Dictionary. I found the definition was from the transliterated Hebrew word which meant “firmness, fidelity, steadfastness, and steadiness”. I also found the word origin meant “trustworthiness, faithfulness, or dependability”.

I’ve been going through some turbulent times lately that have just put me in a tailspin and taken me to the edge of a meltdown. But God has been faithful. The world spun around me as if I were encircled in a hurricane, but I found that if I kept my feet firm/anchored on His truth and His promises, and kept my eyes on Him (Hebrews 12:1-2), there was peace in the midst of the storm.

Please understand I am NOT saying I am “Miss Stable” or super-sanctified or anything like that – I have fallen on my face (a lot) in recent days and come up muddy, bruised and one big shameful mess. What I am saying is, in spite of all that, God has been there for me, He has been my Rock, the One Who listens, Who always loves me, comforts me, supports me… and the One and Only Who in all of life remains forever my true source of stability. Like the old hymn says, “On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand… all other ground is sinking sand.”

Are you about to give up? Feeling like you can’t take one more thing or you will just lose what little is left of your mind? Go to God and tell Him. Yell, scream, cry… whisper… or just be silent before Him letting your tears speak the words your heart is too crushed and tired to say. Hang on to Him when you can no longer hang onto anything/anyone else – He will be your stability, when nothing else makes sense. Depend on Him, trust Him and He will do this for you. Hang onto Him for dear life.

2010 - Day One

Matthew 6:33-34 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I am a planner. I love to put together lists, charts, timelines, budgets... sticking to them, however, well, that's another story. However, as I spend my time this first day/weekend of 2010, I think this Scripture passage will be highlighted for me this year. It keeps my priorities in dead-on focus and will encourage me not to get so overwhelmed all the time as I juggle past/present/future. It doesn't tell us not to plan, but just reminds us Who is in charge of it all, and to make sure He's at the center of our lives.

As I said earlier, sticking to it... well, that's certainly something I need to continue working on this year. My grandma used to say "The road to hell is paved with good intentions!" I want to put feet to my faith each day, and to my plans, goals, etc., and not just "intend" myself into frustration, depression, and failure.

But I also want to eliminate my habit of overplanning, overdoing, overcommiting, and letting the busy-ness of it all shadow and crowd out what (and Whom) is truly important. Too often I have allowed myself to take on too much, only to become depressed and paralyzed into "couch potato let the TV numb you and procrastinate you into oblivion" syndrome. This year I want to build in breathing room, "being" room, margins amidst the appointments and commitments -- calm the frenetic pace just a little. Let's try a simplier, more serene path to success!

Hmmm... can I do it? Dunno... but I'm not going to worry about that right now... tomorrow is another day!

A Timely Video

Psalm 90:12 "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

A New Years tradition is some station playing a marathon session of all the old Twilight Zone episodes. This year you can watch them on the Syfy Channel (http://www.syfy.com/twilightzone). While I'm not much of a fan of the channel, I am a huge fan of the Twilight Zone series, and one of my favorite episodes is entitled "The Obsolete Man" from 1961. In a future state where religion and books have been banned, a librarian is judged obsolete by the Chancellor and sentenced to death.

As we look back on 2009, and ahead to 2010, and think about our past/present/future lives, goals, dreams, regrets, plans, resolutions, and all the "meaning of life" questions, I invite you to view this video -- CLICK HERE. It's truth is as plain as the black and white film on which it was shot -- and more than enduring.

How Long?

1 Corinthians 13:4 “Love is patient…"

Patient – greek makrothumeo (verb) (Strong’s concordance number 3114)
1. to be of a long spirit, not to lose heart
a. to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles
b. to be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others

It is almost impossible to be patient when you have been maligned, treated unfairly. You want immediate action taken to right the wrong, set the record straight, and have your name/reputation cleared of all mud and falsehood. At the same time, you want to run and hide, and give up altogether. To endure is almost worse than the words/actions which brought you to this place of sorrow and darkness and pain.

God tells us love is patient – “of a long spirit”. Somehow this sounds to me like we need to prepare to love for the long haul, because “long spirit” certainly doesn’t strike me as a momentary situation.

Lord, I confess I don’t want to love patiently like this. I want all this to be over… now! I have been knocked breathless and feel gutted. My heart is shattered… my spirit crushed, my will fading and weary… how long? I know You loved like this, I know you continue to love like this… and I know You call me to be like You. But Abba, I am before You, a heap of brokenness. I can barely face another hour, let alone a lengthy perseverence – how am I to do this?

I read the words of Psalm 38:15 “For I hope in You, O LORD; You will answer, O Lord my God., and I will wait for You.. my only Hope.” Help me to know these are more than words on a page, Abba. Hold me close because I am struggling and just don’t think I can take much more.

The Mundale Simple Blessings of a Friday Afternoon

2nd Corinthians 4:16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day

I would like to celebrate…. today.

In NJ, today was cold, rainy and gray. Okay, I’m a freak – I LOVED IT! I absolutely loved every minute of it – the coldness biting into my skin as I walked to my office from the parking lot at half-past dark thirty, watching the wind bend the branches like a virtual ballet of leaves at lunchtime, the raw “rake through your skin” breezes. I ate an amazing homemade chicken noodle soup and roll at lunchtime (thank you, Whole Foods). After work, I was blessed to go to my gym and swim/steam/sauna and chat with several interesting women. And now, here I am on my most favorite night of the week, relaxing and enjoying Friday night. A bit of study for my classes, several lovely phone calls with family/friends, and the magic of my favorite night of the week. LOVE IT! I’m excited about a class I’m teaching next week, loving the classes I’m taking, and overall resting in the fact that I am one very, very blessed woman.

So why do I blog this? Well, because first I guess I’m just plain old happy. But also to share the joy of the simplicity of the relatively mundane. “Ain’t no big thang” going on here – just some weather and chicken soup and warm water swimming, a steaming cup of tea… but oh, the incredible joy of it all. The smell of far-away fireplaces burning as I left the gym (dream – have a real fireplace). The mist of the autumn rain on my face. The warmth of a bowl of soup. It’s a bit hard to convey… there is a very concrete “feel” to all of this – a stirring of the soul, a deep-seated interior giggle, a sighed satisfaction in it all. But it is so concrete, and wonderful, and R-E-A-L!

Take a moment in the next few days to be aware of all the blessings so easily overlooked. Oh God, thank You for the joy and gift of today. May I never take any of this for granted.

3 a.m.

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
I awaken gently in the middle of this warm August night. The room is dark, and I am alone with my thoughts, with my troubles, and with my God. He speaks to my heart and in the stillness of the night, He gently but firmly deals with areas of my stubborn self-will and disobedience. As David wrote in Psalm 51, my sin is ever before me. He knows my weaknesses and the sins which so easily entangle me and trip me up (Hebrews 12:1). I read verse one of Psalm 51: “Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions. He reminds me that I am free – that He has taken those sins upon Himself on the Cross, and paid for them Himself. I have heard these words hundreds of times, but their mercy and love are fresh and new this night. I (yet again) ask for His forgiveness, and He wraps me in it and holds me close.

I pour out myself to Him – telling Him all the things on my mind, all the things that are unsettled and making me anxious and afraid. My Father, my Lord... my Friend listens and listens as no other can in these most-alone times in the wee hours of the morning. The tension drains from me as I am heard and understood, and I find the rest and peace only He can give me.

It’s now 3am and He blesses me with sleepiness once more. The crickets sing their lullaby in the distance as I settle my head against the pillow, breath a deep sigh of comfort, and drift off to sleep safe in the Good Shepherd’s care.

Hebrews 4:14-16
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

My Name is Linda... and I'm a Busyholic

Ephesians 5:15-17
Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.

My name is Linda, and I’m a busyholic.

I take great pride in filling my calendar to overflowing with appointments, meetings, work, church activities, social engagements, classes, workouts, hobbies, and any/everything I can cram into it. You see, it makes me feel valuable. It makes me feel useful. It makes me feel worthy. I’m not “taking up space”, I’m making the most of every moment… productive… efficient. It means I’m juggling all the “Proverbs 31 woman” balls in the air, serving family, church, community, and of course, God. After all, isn’t that what it means when God tells us to make the most of every opportunity? Thanks to my calendar, I can prove that I am godly and worthy and …. exhausted.

Psalm 42:1 says, “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.” Well, I’m panting all right, but honestly, God, it’s not for You. It’s because I can’t breathe from the maddening pace of my life anymore. I hide the fact that I am so doggedly tired I can barely get out of bed in the morning. I’m often cranky and sometimes cry for apparently no reason. I shoot verbal bullets of sarcasm and my spirit becomes critical and mean because my eight hours of sleep have been strung out over the last three days. That now-not-so-occasional glass of wine has become a very easy way to make it all go away and finally fall asleep at night. My glass house of perfection is shattering, and I find myself in pieces in the midst of the blood-soaked soul rubble.

I am surrounded by a sisterhood of women who are just like me – running the not-so-good race, and falling down sobbing because we are bone weary from demands and expectations put on us from every area of our lives and everyone in our lives, but most especially ourselves. We have bought the lie, and been driven to distraction from that which really matters. We smile and laugh and say, “oh yes, let’s get together – how’s your planner look for, say, six months from now on Wednesday between 6:12-7:55?” And all we truly want to do is go to bed and pull the covers over our heads for at least a month.

How do we “stop the madness”, stop the foolishness of destroying ourselves, and begin to understand what the Lord’s will is? He calls us first and foremost to Himself, to simply be with Him. He tells us to come to Him, all of us who are weary and heavy-laden, and He promises to give us rest. But how? By getting up another hour earlier to add more prayer and Bible study to our already laborious life? Are you kidding me???

No, it begins by saying NO! No to those things which are not really bad, but maybe not best for us. It begins by recognizing that our worth, our value is already sealed with God. He is crazy about us, we are the apple of His eye, just as we are, right this minute. It begins by giving up the false things that make us feel worthwhile, and seeking first His will. It begins with obedience.

So… what does this practically mean? Well, I dropped a summer class at college, because I realized the accelerated pace and late hours would be especially grueling and that was just not absolutely necessary right now. It means I give up my drive for Ms. Do-It-All, and learn to pray first about what things I will say yes to, and if they fit in with the bigger plan of His will for me.

I have had some wonderful examples lately in my life of women who have had the courage to obey His voice. My friend Pam stopped doing many service activities, because she knew God was calling her to put on the brakes. She chose to say yes to things she enjoyed, because while they were good, they weren’t what God’s best was for her.

Another woman is Jennifer Swanson, who has had a very successful website/ezine/blog and organization business which I enjoyed for years. Jennifer has had the courage to let go, because she is obeying. How? As she writes, “… one step at a time… by faith.” Her site will close August first, and I applaud and admire her for following His will, and wish her every blessing her heart can hold! I love the verses she has chosen on her web page, Ecclesiastes 3:1,6: "There is a time for everything,And a season for every activity under heaven: A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to hold on and a time to let go."

That’s how we can do it... one step at a time... letting go... by faith. We may be saying no to things we enjoy, and prying our fingers open from clutching to the comfort of our frenzied, frazzled calendars, but we are obediently saying YES to God, to the many blessings we’ve been too busy to see and receive. We are releasing ourselves to Him, to the blessing of time to breath, for 10 unhurried minutes, for a quieter spirit, a calmer day, to a life of rest and peace, which can only be found when we sit at His feet.

My name is Linda, and I’m a recovering busyholic.

Leave Me Not to My Own Fruit

Proverbs 1:29-31: Since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the Lord, since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes.

Lately I’ve been thinking about my life, and reflecting back on my earlier years in my twenties and thirties. It’s painful… because those are years I walked away from the Lord and chose to live exactly as I pleased by my own wisdom, rules and standards. I wasn’t about to be “fenced in”. I wince and shake my head as I look back on those days, and try not to dwell on the “what might have been” life had I remained obedience to the Lord and followed in His paths for me.

I also must realize that the past is just that – the past. There is nothing I can do to change one minute of what has been. However, what I can dwell on now is that I am forgiven, and I have a fresh day today in which to change my course and choose His wisdom and ways for me. I can glance back and learn the lessons there, but not allow remorse for my wasted youth to paralyze who I am today in Christ.

When you are choosing to live outside God’s will for your life, the punishment isn’t some lightning bolt from Heaven, or God’s vengeance pouring out on you in a Job-like scenario. I think the worst punishment we receive is that the Lord allows us to eat the fruit of our own ways and be filled with the fruit of our own schemes. I have paid a dreadfully high price for turning my back on Him, but it was at my own hand, not His. He hurt and wept watching my back as I ran away from Him as fast as I could. And yet, like the father in Luke 15:11-31, when I came back broken and worth less than nothing, He ran to me, kissed and hugged me, wept with me, cleansed me, and made me feel priceless and worthy again – a beloved daughter.

Even after that, I am still tempted (and sometimes succumb) to following my own strong-willed heart and “wisdom” (can you spell D-U-H?!?!). Lord, give me strength to follow You, give me remembrance of how my life was without Your loving arms around me, fencing out the pain and hardship of what my choices outside your will reap. Today help me to remember the sweetness of living in Your will, the joy of obedience to You, and the indescribable peace only being wrapped in Your love and path can provide.

Spurring Partners

Hebrews 10:23-24, “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”

I am so thankful for friends in my life who challenge me, inspire me, encourage me, hold me accountable, love me, and consistently point me back to my walk with Christ. Some are close by, some are not, some are across the ocean. Yet as I read their emails, blogs, twitters, hear their voices, watch their faces, I see the beauty of God working in each of their lives. I watch their obedience as their hearts turn towards our precious Savior. My own heart stirs to walk a better walk, love God better, and to be the devoted Christ-follower I want so badly to be.

Their authentic, real, up/down journey of faith spur me on.

The original word root in greek is paroxuno (par-ox-oo’-no) and means to make sharp, stimulate, urge, stir. How amazing it is that the Lord gives Himself to us, in a way, through each other – His Holy Spirit rises up in us to encourage us, make us more like Jesus, and in turn when we speak of Him together and draw closer in love/friendship, we stimulate/stir up/urge one another on towards a better/closer walk with Christ. What a blessing are these dear friends… these gifts from God.

To Everything There is a Season...

Ecclesiastes 3:1: "To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven..."

In the fall I purchased special thermal plastic sheeting to cover the inside of some of the windows in my home to seal in the cold and save on energy (and heating bills). My daughter and I had fun installing it, because you basically take a hair blow dryer and shrink wrap the sheets to vacuum seal your windows against the outside elements.

It is a beautiful spring morning today – so I went out to my back yard, turned on my new water fountain, filled up all the bird feeders, relishing every moment I was out there. However, I have a lot of studying to do today, so I reluctantly returned indoors and set up my study area on the dining room table, where the windows overlook the entire yard. As I sit here writing this I can see about a dozen goldfinch and purple finches feeding, a fiery red cardinal on the other feeder, two red-winged blackbirds, some sparrows, and a big old woodpecker up in his favorite tree perch. I can also see the beauty of the flowers and herb gardens – reds, whites, purples, yellows, and a variety of vibrant greens from the trees, plants and glass, all highlighted by a crystal blue sky flooded by sunlight.

What’s that got to do with thermal vacuum-sealed windows? Well, I had to take about five minutes after coming in to remove the sheets so I could open those windows for the first time since fall, to welcome/usher in the fragrant springs which refresh every room, cleanse out the old air and bring in the new. It also helps me hear more clearly the melodic sounds of the birds as they sing their morning anthems.

My heart and thoughts rest on seasonal changes, and how much they mean to me, both from nature’s standpoint, and from a personal perspective. There are times in our lives when it is important to seal ourselves away, to embrace solitude and quiet, to shut ourselves against the cold storms of life. Sometimes it’s as simple as just escaping, if only for a little while, the daily bombardment and clutter of life. Other times it’s needed because we’ve experienced a hurt or loss for which we need time to weep, sit with our pain, regroup, recover… and remember how to breathe. Often it is to spend time alone with God – whether it be in prayer, in the study of His word, or just simply to be still and know that He is God. Whatever the reasons, it is good to find that time to heal and just “be”.

However… as with the seasons, the time comes to open up again, to remove the seals we’ve put up against everything. In due time we must have the courage to open the windows of our heart and life, take a slow deep breath and begin to look outwards. The view is clearer, the sounds (or words or lessons) are more readily heard, the cleansing and growth process begin again. It is the gift of new day, and a new season in your journey.

In memory of Dee

1 Corinthians 15:53-55,57

For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. Now when this perishable puts on the imperishable, and this mortal puts on immortality, then the saying that is written will happen, “Death has been swallowed up in victory.” “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!

My friend Dee Hunt went home to her Savior yesterday afternoon after a long battle with cancer. Her life was dedicated to Jesus Christ, her husband, son, grandsons, family, church, and friends. Until her illness took its toll she was the women’s ministry director at our church, and I can’t tell you how many of us were touched and graced by Dee. She was a beautiful, elegant woman with a huge smile that just lit up the room. She has made an indelible impact on so many, and her life is an inspiration and example for us all.

We band together in our grief and loss, but also celebrate that she is free, no longer shackled by the pain and disease, and is smiling that beautiful smile as she hears her precious Lord finally say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Goodbye for now, Dee... our world is a bit smaller and sadder without you.

Small Things with Great Love

Psalm 90:12 "So teach us to number our days that we may present to You a heart of wisdom."

Since the last time I blogged, another wonderful friend/husband of one of my dearest friends has passed away after battling cancer, and two other friends are both in the hospital fighting their third stint with cancer. Amazing people who have (and still do) touched my life in so many ways, fighting the good fight with courage and passion, just as they have lived.

Not surprisingly, I’ve been thinking a lot more about the brevity of life lately, and spending time deep in thought about how I am living my own life. One ugly thing I have had to face is that I’ve been very selfish and self-absorbed. No matter how busy my schedule, there is always time for a quick email, call, or actually dropping a real card into the mail to let them know I was thinking about them, and praying for them. I am ashamed that I didn’t take the time to swing by someone’s house just for a quick chat or cup of tea. No, I can’t be all things to all people, but I can do SOMEthing. Mother Teresa is credited with saying, “We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” I have failed miserably, and pray I will be forgiven by my friends.

The days slip by quickly, and we mean to do the little things, and next thing you know, it’s next week or month, and there’s a million other things demanding our attention. My friend Ali used to have a little catch phrase that always made me smile – she’s just look at me and say “STOP YOURSELF!” Well, I am determined to do just that – to stop myself, look outside myself and my little world, and find a way each day to do one small thing with great love.